Welcome to my latest project : Emerald and Jade Loves. For those of you who know me well, you know that I do like to start new projects, as well as careers. I rarely seem to stick to just the one, as I explore one idea after another. I used to wonder what was wrong with me, why did I appear unable to stay in one place, and focus on just the one thing? In time though, I’ve come to recognise this as one of my strengths. Or at the very least, an essential part of who I am and what I thrive on.

Lockdown Life

What I missed the most during the various lockdowns in the Covid pandemic was the ability to go exploring. Whether just down the road to a village we are yet to discover, a day trip towards the Atlantic coast, or an actual holiday, I couldn’t wait to start exploring again once we were no longer confined.

I did however enjoy exploring creativity once again. It had been left aside, as these things tend to be when we get busy living our lives. Suddenly, we had lots of free time within nothing specific to do, provided with a freedom to explore and have fun with creativity. So we made the most of it.

We built dens in the garden (I use the royal “we” as the kids got bored quickly leaving me to finish it myself, but I had great fun doing so!), we baked, we did some gardening, we painted, we made masks, we played with flowers… Like so many people around the world at that time, amid all the chaos, we learned to have fun again, simply doing things because we wanted to and without the pressure of having to focus on anything else.

What now?

Fast forward several years, and my job, that is the job I thought I had lucked out finding and would be able to settle into for the years to come, came to a rather abrupt end. The ins and outs are not relevant here, other than the speed of which I became unemployed, leaving me once again to question my life’s choices and mostly : “now what?“.

As a result, I have been home for a month now, with plenty of time to think, and dare I say it, a little bored at times. I’ve realised in this time that I had become unable to answer the question : “what do you do for fun?” After years of working, taking care of the gîtes, the family, the house etc, I had deprived myself of what I used to thrive on, what made me ME, what I found fun.

What do I do for fun?

No idea…

… and it really bothers me.

As I approach 40, how do I not know what I find fun?

Exploring Creativity

Living in rural France also makes it tricky at times, there aren’t lots of workshops or creative spaces nearby to explore. The ones that do run, are sometimes hard to hear about in advance, so you miss out.

Being unemployed also means being careful with money for the time being (and it’s clearly on my mind as I dreamt of buying 4 burgers for over 600€ the other night, commenting in my dream : “it does seem a little pricey, especially as I’m not working…“.

So I am starting off slowly, committing to exploring creativity within what is currently available to me. I made jewellery from beads. I cleared some weeds in order to plant some colourful flowers for all to see as they drive up to our road. I started reading again. I joined a Memoir writing workshop. I started listening to inspiring podcasts again. And do you know what? Petit à petit, I’m starting to feel a little spark, just a little glimmer of creativity shining a little brighter each day.

It dawned on me the other day as I was getting attacked by plants gardening, that actually, what I enjoy the most, is combining my two favourite things : exploring, and creativity. I don’t tend to find one activity and stick with it. Instead, I love trying out different activities, picking up new skills even if just in that precise moment, then never again. I also love meeting other creative people.

From mini-Fee who convinced her friends back in primary school to hold a stand at the village fête selling handmade bracelets, and who tried to create a newspaper around the same time (tip : don’t use your school’s printer and photocopier without their permission… they don’t like that), to adult Fee who decided to leave a legal career and then became an events florist, who later set up business meet ups for fellow business owners in France, and to all the Fees in between. I have been my happiest when exploring and being creative. This is fun to me. And I want to keep on having fun with it.

In this blog, I plan to share my creative exploring with you, and already lots of ideas are popping up. I’m so excited this is happening!